Mend a broken dream
Or revive an unfulfilled one
Happy Friday, Intentionalists!
Pursuing our dreams – big or small - is vital to living a life of purpose. Our brains, hearts and spirits are built for it. It involves the incredible ability of our brains to be able to imagine something that doesn’t currently exist and, with our thoughts, actions and behaviours, bring it to fruition.
It’s how all great inventions have been created, medicines developed, masterpieces brought to life, and how important social movements have taken form. They started with an idea that was followed up with the will to make it a reality.
Having a dream is what moves us forward with a spirit of adventure and allows us to develop new aspects of ourselves and to tap undeveloped potential.
But dreams often get lost or broken. Sometimes they peter out when they are put on the back burner for a very long time while we deal with holding down a job, taking care of our family, making enough money to pay our bills, etc. All those responsibilities can leave us time poor and exhausted when it comes to fulfilling our dreams.
For others of us, we were pursuing our dream with gusto but got hit by an enormous setback. Perhaps we wanted to create a happy marriage but found ourselves in the divorce court, or we built our dream home or business, but due to unforeseen economic or natural disasters, had the rug pulled out from under our feet.
Today, we are going to look at how to reconnect with unfulfilled dreams, and also how to get back on our feet when a dream appears to have been shattered.
So, grab your journal and a pen and let’s get started!
PROMPTS
First, let’s get some clarity:
1. What dream were you pursuing, or wanted to pursue?
2. Why did you want that dream? What did you hope the fulfillment of it would give you?
3. What’s getting in the way of your pursuit of that dream now?
e.g. time, life responsibilities, distractions, etc
Or what setback have you suffered? How did it come about?
STRATEGIES
1. Give yourself a chance to ponder or reset and regroup
If you have an unfulfilled dream that is tugging at your heart or seems to get further and further away from you as time goes on, give yourself time to ponder on it and let your brain reconnect with your desire.
Write a paragraph (or more) of what it would look like if that dream were part of your life now. What would you be doing? How would it feel? Who would be in your life?
If your dream is broken, the first thing you need to do is get yourself to a place of stability and rest. Deal with the financial, legal and practical fallout while practising self-care. But be mindful that you don’t start picturing yourself as someone whose future is bleak. Know that there have been many people before you who have suffered enormous setbacks before finally achieving their dream. You might even want to start reading their biographies or watching documentaries about them. Give yourself time to mourn Version 1.0 of your dream. You might have to accept that the happy marriage you wanted to create with your now estranged spouse is over. But Version 2.0 with a future partner might be more amazing due to all the experience and wisdom you have gained.
What are you going to do for yourself to get yourself to a calm, stable place so you can regroup and rebuild? Write a checklist.
2. Who do you need to become to achieve your dream?
The person we become in the pursuit of our dreams is often more fulfilling than achieving the dream itself. It’s because we are wired for growth. Developing ourselves and our potential gives us a sense of pride. It is where self-esteem and confidence come from.
If you imagine yourself as the person who has achieved their dream, who did you have to become to do it?
For example: Did you become more organised with your time? Or did you become more assertive about boundaries so that you had space in your life to pursue your dream? Or perhaps learned to be a better public speaker or communicator? Did you learn about finances and managing money? Did you pursue self-understanding and compassion? Did you learn how to be more discerning when dating?
How are you going to become this person or develop the skill you need?
E.g. You’ll do a course or read a book on time management, you’ll engage a coach, you’ll use a planner and block out time each week to work on your dream, you’ll get fit, etc
3. Fall in love with your dream again.
Just like any relationship, a dream needs attention. Do you want to learn to speak French and live in Paris for a year? Hang a picture of the Eiffel Tower in your study and speak to yourself in as much French as you know as you get ready for work or make breakfast. Want to fall in love again and meet a great partner? Fall in love with life and yourself first. Dress up as if every day were a first date. Wear perfume even if you are at home by yourself. Buy yourself flowers each week. Want to live by the sea but currently live in a dingy apartment far from the ocean? Decorate your current living space in light, coastal colours and have a soundtrack of ocean waves playing in the background.
You might ask if this is delusional behaviour. No. It’s based on neuroscience. What you are doing is revving up the RAS system in your brain (The Reticular Activating System – a network of neurons that helps determine what we pay attention to and what we ignore).
Very often, we don’t pursue our dreams because we feel they might be ‘unrealistic’ because we can’t see any way that we could make them come true. But by keeping your focus on what you want, your brain will start to notice people, information, situations, ideas and opportunities that you might have ignored before.
Apart from that, living with a sense of excitement about your dream feels good, and optimists have a knack for attracting the right people and circumstances to themselves. It will also make the journey to achieving your dream fun: Happy journey = happy destination!
What are you going to do to keep connected to your dream? Write down your ideas in your journal.
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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS
I pursue my dreams with a sense of joy and discovery.
I believe in myself. I am willing to grow and learn.
Each day, I take action towards my dreams.
(Pick an affirmation and say or write it slowly ten times. And if you want to repeat all the affirmations, that’s wonderful too!)
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KELLY’S SILLY BIT
The sillier the better is always my motto, so I have collected some of the SILLIEST words I could find. They sound like someone made them up on the spot, or a noise you might make in fright. Enjoy!
Taradiddle | Not a drum pattern.
Meaning: A petty lie or pretentious nonsense.
Snickersnee | Why does this sound like Wolverine? Apt, yes?
Meaning: A large knife, a knife as a weapon or a fight with knives.
Collywobbles | Not the state of us after too much vodka … or is it?
Meaning: Queasiness in your stomach. Anxiety or nervousness.
Diphthong | Not your shoes or your underwear.
Meaning: The sound made by two vowels in a single syllable that makes one sound. E.g. OU in Out.Bumfuzzle | Ah …
Meaning: To confuse, bewilder or fluster.
Cattywampus | I say this word in the same way I hear the name Carol Baskin.
Meaning: Something that is out of order, askew or in disarray.
Gardyloo | If I had my time again, it would be my imaginary friend’s name.
Meaning: An Archaic term from Edinburgh, Scotland. It was a warning cry that was given before someone would throw dirty water out of a window.
Billingsgate | Sounds like they mean business.
Meaning: Originating from the Billingsgate Fish Market in London. Foul-mouthed or abusive language.
I love hearing new words or just anything that’s made you smile or laugh, drop them in the comments to make someone else’s (and our) day!
Be an intentionalist.
Belinda & Kelly XX
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