LOST YOUR SENSE OF JOY?
How to get your sparkle back
Happy Friday, Intentionalists!
Those times when life feels bland, and you can’t see how anything could ever feel good again, are difficult times indeed. They are also common to the human experience, so if that’s where you are right now, know that you are not alone, and that the situation doesn’t have to be permanent.
Periods of joylessness often hit after a major life crisis like the death of a loved one, or during transitions, such as leaving university and entering the workforce, or retiring. Sometimes they happen after a cluster of disappointments where you can’t seem to catch a break.
Joylessness can suddenly hit in middle-age: A period where people have life stresses coming at them from every angle – ageing parents, children leaving home, the death of friends, an increased awareness of one’s own mortality, health problems, job insecurity etc But it can also come from a sense that one has experienced everything there is to experience in life, and it’s not going to get any better, so there is no point even trying.
Activists can be prone to joylessness if they don’t take care to avoid burnout. Whether they are fighting for the environment or animal or human rights, their causes may take many years to achieve and meanwhile they constantly come up against the worst of human callousness.
If a lack of joy is making it difficult for you to work or care for yourself, or even get out of the bed in the morning, it’s vital to see a health professional to check whether the cause might be chronic depression.
But for everyone else who simply feels that their life has flatlined and turned a monotonous shade of grey, today’s newsletter offers some simple strategies to help you get your sparkle back.
So, grab your journal and a pen, and let’s get started!
PROMPTS
1. How is joylessness showing up for you?
For example: Do you no longer enjoy activities that you once found fun in the past? Are you resistant to trying new things because you feel there isn’t any point? Do you feel bored with life a lot of the time? Are your thoughts mainly negative and morbid?
2. If you were to feel joy in your life again, what might that look like?
For example: You’d have the energy and enthusiasm to exercise or you’d have interesting conversations with fascinating people on a regular basis. Or perhaps you would dress more attractively or take up an interesting course of study or a new hobby?
STRATEGIES
Check yourself for burn-out
Being constantly exhausted, overwhelmed or trapped in a routine that makes you feel like every day is ‘Groundhog Day’ will fast-track you to a state of joylessness.
Unless you start to make rest and recreation a priority, and create to-do lists that are actually achievable, you won’t be able to break the negative cycle.
Every evening for the next week, spend three minutes writing down in your journal where you spent your time that day and how it made you feel. For instance, you may have spent eight hours working at a job you find boring but then you compounded the feeling by doomscrolling for an hour as soon as you got home when you could have exercised or taken a luxurious bath. Then make a decision to not doomscroll the next day and do something that uplifts you instead.
This daily list is also a great way to see where you are currently over-committed. You might have to curate your activities to those things that bring you joy or at least focus on your top three priorities and put the other things aside for the moment so that you can have more downtime.
Increase joy at the micro-level
The big, exciting moments of life – a great career success, getting married, having a baby, travelling overseas etc – happen at intervals with large gaps in between.
That means to be excited by life, we are going to have to train our minds find joy in even the most ordinary of days. It could be as simple as truly savouring a cup of coffee or tea, being mindful with your family and pets, delighting your senses with a daily spritz of perfume, or feeling the sunshine on your skin.
The more you mindfully look for those tiny moments of pleasure in your life, the more joy you will start to feel.
Eliminate rumination
Bad things happen to all of us and when they do it is upsetting and depressing. But we compound the pain when we excessively ruminate about things we can’t change. We often replay situations in our mind to try and understand what happened so we can avoid incurring such pain again in the future. But the lessons usually come when we are living our lives, not when we are ruminating over problems. If you have an issue with rumination, then practice this statement whenever you find yourself replaying an upsetting event on a loop in your mind:
This situation has been very upsetting and hurtful to me. I am open and receptive to all the lessons I need to learn so that such a thing never happens again. I know those lessons will reveal themselves at the right time, and meanwhile I am moving forward with my life.
Create a Joyful Environment
For the next seven days, eliminate as many activities as you can that don’t bring you joy. Do a joy-staycation in your home or a joy-immersion experience. Create a playlist of joyful, happy songs that you are going to listen to in the morning or while you are cleaning the house or eating breakfast. Watch comedy programs instead of the news. Add some colour with a vase of flowers and wear brighter colours than you normally do. To top it all off, go on a ‘play-date’ with a friend who really makes you laugh.
At the end of the seven days do an assessment. Ask yourself what joy sapping things you can you eliminate from your life for good. And what joy-enhancing activities can you start incorporating into your daily life?
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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS
It’s okay to prioritise joy. I don’t have to be serious all the time.
Today is a gift. I look for joy in the simple moments.
When I focus on gratitude, joy flows to me easily.
(Pick an affirmation and say or write it slowly ten times. And if you want to repeat all the affirmations, that’s wonderful too!)
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Kelly’s Silly Bit
Poor Kelly had to be rushed off to hospital for an emergency appendectomy, so there won’t be deep belly laughs from her this week as she heals from her op. As the theme of this week’s newsletter is ‘joy’ I thought I’d share with you some things that bring me joy, and I’d love it if you would share what brings you joy in the comments.
Vintage horse carousels at fun fairs. I have loved these since I was a child. If ever I see one, I still buy a ticket for a ride even though I might be the only adult participating. They make me dizzy with delight.
Anything that involves dancing and bling. Here is me at an Egyptian belly dance hafla.
Watching my three cats - Valentino, Versace and Gucci - sleeping. They make the weirdest formations.
The wildlife that visits my garden. Particularly this nocturnal visitor, who I have named ‘Romeo’ because he appears on my balcony when I am writing late at night.
Remember to share what sparks joy for you in the comments.
May you go into the coming week with all the delight of a brushtail possum eating an apple. Nom! Nom! Nom!
Be an intentionalist.
Belinda & Kelly XX
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You bring me joy, Belinda 💖
I really needed to read this, thanks 😊 🥰