How to stop yourself spiralling

Happy Friday, Intentionalists!

Spiralling occurs when we experience an escalation of negative thoughts. As we think one negative thought, a whole cluster of increasingly worse ones follows. As a result, we find ourselves overwhelmed, catastrophising the future, acting disproportionately to a situation, or engaging in addictive or destructive behaviour.

Spiralling is so uncomfortable when it happens that most of us don’t stop to analyse the thought process that led to the spiral. We are just glad it is over – and hope it won’t happen again.

However, the spiral will repeat itself if we don’t take the time to deconstruct it. Repeated spirals, set off by certain triggers, will get worse over time if not broken. The reason for this is in the way that spirals are formed in the first place.

Remember when you first learned to drive a car? You had to think about all the steps from turning on the ignition, putting the car into gear, pressing the accelerator, etc. But after a while, driving a car became a seamless process that you could perform unconsciously.

This has to do with how the brain uses energy efficiently. Habitual actions strengthen neural pathways in the brain, which makes it easier to remember the action again in the future. The more the habit is repeated, the stronger the neural connections become, and the faster we can act without having to expend the effort of conscious thinking.

In the same way, if we ‘practice’ certain ways of thinking – ruminating, overthinking, catastrophising – we build neural pathways that make the pattern happen subconsciously. That’s why spiralling feels like a runaway train – it happens so rapidly it’s hard to stop it once it’s gained momentum. We don’t make good decisions when we are in the grip of overwhelming emotions, so we can make a bad situation far worse than it needed to be.

But like all habits, the spiralling cycle can be broken with conscious awareness and practice. This will lead to more peace, happiness and emotional stability.

In today’s newsletter, we’re going to offer some simple strategies to break the spiralling cycle.

So, grab your journal and a pen and let’s get started!

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STRATEGIES AND PROMPTS

1. Deconstruct the spiral

Think of a time recently when your thoughts spiralled out of control.
(If you are in the middle of a spiral right now, this exercise will help you.)

What was the trigger for your spiral?
E.g. your boss gave you a bad performance report.

What was the immediate thought (or feeling) you had after the trigger?
E.g. I’m going to get fired.

What cluster of thoughts came afterwards?

It doesn’t matter if you can’t remember them all or what order they came in – just write down as many as you can think of:

For the example above, some cluster thoughts might be: My boss wants to get rid of me; I’ll get fired and I won’t be able to find another job in this economy; I won’t be able to pay my rent and I’ll be kicked out of my apartment; Nasty Jackie from accounts will snigger about me (some associated thoughts about Jackie might be inserted here); None of this would have happened if Andy hadn’t left me (Some associated thoughts about your ex); My parents will be so disappointed; I’ll have to move back in with my parents …etc

What actions did you take to bring the spiral to an end?

Were they destructive?
E.g. slandering your boss to every co-worker who would listen, overeating, binge watching television until the early hours of the morning, excessive drinking, taking out your anger on a family member or friend, etc

Were they constructive?
E.g. you took a bath and went to bed early, knowing things would look brighter in the morning; you did some vigorous exercise to work off steam; you had a good heart-to-heart with a supportive partner or trusted friend who wouldn’t inflame the situation; you engaged a coach or counsellor to help you overcome your difficulties at work, etc

2. Reflect on your spiral and visualise how you might respond differently in the future

SOME TIPS FOR SLOWING DOWN A SPIRAL

Acknowledge your feelings ❤︎

If your boss gives you a bad performance review, it’s natural to feel upset, disappointed, frightened or angry. While you may not be able to display those emotions in a professional situation, find yourself a quiet, private space as soon as possible and acknowledge what you are feeling. Crying is an excellent emotional release, so don’t bottle up your emotions if you feel like crying. Nature gave you that ability to release stress and strong feelings, so use it. Nearly everyone feels better after a good cry.

Write down your thoughts and feelings

Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper is a way to acknowledge them, but also create a level of distance from them. Once you have written down your thoughts, you might want to ask yourself if they are true. Perhaps you are catastrophising the situation, or perhaps you don’t have enough information to make a clear decision on what the situation means.

For example, your partner telling you that they don’t like it when you leave your shoes in the hallway for them to trip over may simply be them requesting more consideration from you. It doesn’t necessarily mean they are about to leave you.

Have a toolkit of things that make you feel calm and emotionally regulated. Practice at least one of them for 20 minutes every day as a mental stability maintenance exercise. If you find yourself spiralling, practice as many of them as you can until you bring yourself back to a state of equanimity and clear thinking.

Examples: Journaling, meditating, playing a sport, exercising, reading books, watching comedies or listening to funny podcasts, playing a musical instrument, mindfulness exercises, walking in nature, etc

Take breaks and practice self-care

Things get out of perspective when our inner resources are maximised, and we constantly have stress hormones pumping through our system. Remember to get enough breaks in the day, prioritise good sleep and have some downtime with hobbies that refresh you.

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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS

I accept that I am having uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. They will pass.

I can’t always control what thoughts arrive, but I can control which ones get to stay.

These strong feelings will calm, and I will be able to decide what to do once I feel better.

(Pick an affirmation and say or write it slowly ten times. And if you want to repeat all the affirmations, that’s wonderful too!)

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KELLY’S SILLY BIT

I may have had a slight spiral this morning as one of my appendix incisions looks ... er, angry. As I unfurl this twirl, help me distract myself as I wait to go back to the doctors.

What’s a spiral?

It's an open curve, shape, pattern, or object. It winds gradually and continuously. It starts at a point, and then goes around the point and gets farther and farther away from it.

Like this:

Work it Out

Unless you tuned out and daydreamed in maths like me, you probably remember learning about the Fibonacci spiral and golden spiral in school. These are special types of logarithmic spirals connected to the Fibonacci sequence and the golden ratio.

Here Comes the Sun

It's thought that in ancient Chinese art, it may symbolise the sun. In modern-day Xian, the ancient city of Chang'an still has roof tiles from the Tang Dynasty with this symbol. How cool is that?

You are Getting Sleepy

No, you’re not. Spirals don't have the power to do so, BUT they can be used as a focal point to help with relaxation and focus. So, hang out if you need a moment like me.

You'll often see this in movies, cartoons, etc, from the early 50s (that’s as far back as I could work out), but the true reason WHY it’s used? I'm not sure. Can anyone help with that? If you can, please comment, I’m so curious!

Rebirth

You'll also spy spirals at ancient burial sites. It's thought to represent the life-birth-rebirth cycle. People used to think that each morning the sun was born and then reborn the next day, which is quite lovely, and a great lesson in starting again.

Blinded with Science

Our DNA’s double helix structure (our biological evolution) is a beautiful spiral shape, as are galaxies in space, like the Milky Way.

Nature Calling

Shells grow on an axis as they get bigger (in a spiral). Spirals are also there in plants, animal horns and teeth and claws! Even a sunflower head is a spiral. Its florets grow in a spiral; this pattern helps the plant have a lot of seeds in a small space.

Run Pasta

Pasta > than anything in a spiraliser. Fusilli and Rotini both pack a punch with twisty goodness.

• Fusilli in Italian translates to little spindles. It’s made by twisting strands of pasta together like a spring

• Rotini in Italian means small twists or small wheels. This is the corkscrew-looking pasta.

REMEMBER SPIROGRAPHS! You can still get them, too.

Everyone loves a …

YEP. A slinky is a helical spring, which is a three-dimensional spiral. The coils of a Slinky are arranged in a spiral shape as it wraps around an imaginary cylinder.

Mine got tangled in about two minutes, but it was still fun!

Lastly, a truly terrible joke for you:
How many contortionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just two, but they prefer the spiral kind!

I hope you’re being kind to yourself if you are unfurling a twirl like me. Tomorrow will be brighter x

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Be an intentionalist.

Belinda & Kelly XX

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The Intentionalist is a work of nonfiction, intended by the authors as a general guide to wellbeing. The authors do not prescribe the use of any technique, either directly or indirectly, as treatment for physical, psychological or medical issues, without the consent of a medical doctor. The authors cannot be made liable for any misuse of the information provided.