How to stop overthinking

And make peaceful decisions instead

Happy Friday, Intentionalists!

Here’s a startling idea to end the week with: Most of the difficult issues we face in life are caused by the way we think about our problems, rather than the actual problems themselves.

This is because most of us have given our brain free range to do what it likes, rather than training it to do what we want it to do. Our brain is designed to keep us alive by learning about the environment around us and scanning for potential danger, as well as running our bodily functions. It also has the wonderful ability to visualise scenarios that might happen in the future – a function most of us greatly misuse when we get stuck on picturing worst-case outcomes.

The best way to use our brain is to allow it to function optimally when we have a decision to make or a problem to solve. Firstly, we can consciously analyse the situation based on all the knowledge we have to hand. Then we need to put the problem aside, relax or do something fun and allow our subconscious mind to offer us up the solution that we know will be the best one because of a strong feeling in our gut. (Our gut has a type of intelligence itself, which we are only just now coming to understand scientifically).

Many of us get stuck in the first part of this process, paralysing ourselves with our own thinking. Even worse than this, by staying stuck in our analytical mind we can actually make ourselves physically and mentally sick. We also tend to make poorer decisions when we do this if we manage to make decisions at all.

For today’s prompts, we want you to give your brain a name, the way you would give an adorable puppy you needed to train a name. Belinda has named hers ‘Lucy’ for the sake of the examples. Lucy was the name of an earnest but overly bossy and rather neurotic childhood friend.

To counteract overthinking, it is necessary to physically write your responses down today for them to be effective. If possible, it would also be handy to have two different coloured pens or pencils.

So, grab your journal and let’s get started.

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PROMPTS

1. What is a situation or problem you have been overthinking? Take a breath and write down as many thoughts as you can catch that come up when you consider the problem.

For example, if you are thinking about changing your job, you are probably having thoughts about whether it’s a good idea to do so or not, the pros and cons, the possibility of finding yourself in a better or worse position etc

2. Now circle in one colour all the thoughts that pull you backwards or that make you feel bad. Then in another colour circle the ones that push you forwards or make you feel good.

For example, if we are looking at the new job scenario thoughts that might make you feel bad or pull you backwards are along the lines that the new job might not work out, but a thought that makes you feel better is that you might have more opportunities, get better training and receive more pay.

3. Put a * next to any thoughts or ideas that need more information. Then write down how you are going to find that information.

For example, you need to know more about the new company you want to apply to and their training programs for employees etc.

Now, you have done the analysis. What you need to commit to now is the concept that once this part is done, problems or decisions are best made with less thinking rather than more thinking.

Remember your adorable puppy of a brain? Take Lucy out for a walk, play fetch with her, tell her what a good girl she is. Let her have fun and relax. Make sure she gets enough sleep and good nutrition. This is surrendering your decision to your intuition. The answer may come to you fully formed, or it may come to you as a clue that also feels very right in your gut E.g. Call my friend who recently changed jobs etc. Follow those small leads when they feel right.

Apply this process to every area where you tend to overthink, including relationship issues. If you do, you will be using your brain optimally and effectively – and have a lot more fun in the process!

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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS

When I use my brain optimally, I can trust it to solve all issues

I will find a great solution to this problem

I am excited to see how (Brain’s name) works this all out

(Say or write out these affirmations slowly ten times)

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KELLY’S SILLY BIT

Dear Kelly isn’t well this week. So Belinda is stepping in with her dose of silliness.

Social media is a great opportunity for a diversity of voices to have a platform. Unfortunately, it is also rife for claims that are not backed up by any sort of science or even common sense. Lately, personalities from the ‘manosphere’ have been turning up in my feed. Among these are the ‘Alpha males’. Their ethos (which is debunked by ethologists, but never mind that) is based on the erroneous idea that wolf packs are led by one ‘alpha’ wolf. These self-proclaimed social media gurus believe themselves to be in the top 1% of men and are born to dominate what they refer to as ‘beta males’ (Very often educated, cultured men who are kind to children and animals and respect women) and women, who they see as soulless automatons who simply exist to do the alpha male’s bidding.

I was startled to learn that some people pay thousands of dollars to these gurus to go into the woods to learn the ‘alpha male creed’. But you don’t have to, because I have gleaned from their social media accounts their golden nuggets of wisdom. You’ll want to write some of these down as they are worth remembering.

‘Alpha men don’t flush.’

‘Pain is just weakness leaving the body.’

‘Don’t take orders. Barely even take suggestions.’

‘Let them hate. Just make sure they spell your name right.’

‘Be a man of few words and even fewer opinions.’ (If only!)

‘You don’t need a weapon, when you are a weapon.’

‘Ignore them so hard that they begin to doubt their own existence.’

‘There can only be one king of the jungle.’ (I am pretty sure there are no ‘kings of the jungle’ except in comic books)

‘Don’t spend too much time with your girlfriend. It will make you feminine.’

‘Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men. Weak men create hard times.’ (?????)

‘Let no-one punch you as hard as you can punch yourself.’

‘No matter how boring life gets, try not to get married.’

That’s it, Intentionalists. May you go into the weekend with all the bravado of an alpha male who doesn’t flush! See you next Friday!

Belinda XX

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Be an intentionalist.

Belinda & Kelly XX

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