How to get your self-respect back
And win the respect of others
Happy Friday, Intentionalists!
Having self-respect, and the respect of others, is a lot like having good posture: You walk taller, with dignity, and a sense of personal power.
Losing your self-respect tends to happen slowly over time when you constantly break promises to yourself, don’t follow through on actions you need to take or engage in destructive compulsive behaviour like begging an ex to take you back when they have already moved on.
You lose the respect of others when your words and actions don’t match. For instance, you promise your spouse you’ll take a break from work and go on a holiday together, but some work-related matter always comes up to foil those plans.
It can happen very suddenly too when an outburst of unpleasant behaviour shocks everyone around you.
A loss of respect – for yourself and by others towards you – can be devastating. But you can recover from it. You can walk tall again.
We’ll show you the steps below.
So, grab your pen and journal and let’s get started.
Note: It’s also worth mentioning that some people don’t deserve your respect, so don’t waste your very precious time trying to gain theirs. But that isn’t what we are focusing on here.
PROMPTS
1. What are the circumstances that have led to your loss of respect?
Examples:
You shared a secret that a friend confided in you
You keep chasing an ex who doesn’t want you and who always treats you badly
You borrowed money from a friend but failed to pay them back
You drank too much at a work function and said some very nasty things to a co-worker
You keep promising yourself that you will begin an exercise program, but you never do
2. Who are the people involved in the situation?
E.g. just you, your best friend, your current partner or your ex-partner, your work colleagues, etc
3. What has this loss of respect cost you?
E.g. has it cost you your job, your relationship, your confidence, your mental health, etc
4. What would your life look like if you regained your self-respect and the respect of others? What would be the result of you following through on your promises to yourself?
Write a couple of paragraphs about how you would feel inside, how you would interact with others, what new actions would you take, what would you gain, etc.
5. What steps can you take to go from where you are now to the life you described in prompt 4? Write at least ten.
Every situation is different, and we’re confident you’ll figure out the right steps. But we have some suggestions below to get you started.
Take some time out for yourself and have a rest. You are human and we all make mistakes, so be kind to yourself. Taking time out from a situation often helps you look at it more objectively and can help you envisage more constructive actions to take in the future.
If you’re engaging in compulsive behaviour that’s leading to your loss of self-respect, it’s a good idea to seek the help of a counsellor, psychologist or coach.
If you’ve hurt someone, give them a sincere apology and then give them space. Do not promise to do better and then do nothing to address what’s causing your behaviour. If you promise someone you’re going to change your behaviour, write a ten-step plan of exactly what you’ll do to change and follow through on it. Remember your words mean little, but your actions mean a lot.
6. How can you love yourself better?
Everything starts with this. When we love ourselves better, we keep promises to ourselves and others. List five things you could do starting today that would show yourself that you’re a valuable and worthy human being (because you ARE!)
Example list:
Make time for the hobbies I enjoy
Wear colours that make me feel good
Make my bedroom a lovely place to sleep
Say a positive affirmation every time I look at myself in the mirror
Eat foods that are good for my body
Now read this list every morning. Read it again in the evening and put a tick next to whether you did that activity or not. The more you consistently follow through on doing the things you have listed above (i.e. keeping a promise to yourself) the more your self-respect will grow, and very likely the respect of those around you as well.
All the best!
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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS
When I make a mistake, I recognise it and do better the next time.
I love myself. I respect myself. My word is gold.
I am capable of following through on promises – both to myself and others
(Pick an affirmation and say or write it slowly ten times. And if you want to repeat all three affirmations, that’s wonderful too!)
KELLY’S SILLY BIT
Words That Amuse Me Volume 3
How great is it stumbling across a word that makes you smile, or straight up gives you the giggles? The meaning isn't the key, it’s the way you can say it, the way it sounds or feels when you say it.
Let's tuck into a few:
Indubitably | Meaning without a doubt or certainly, impossible to doubt. I think it’s always best said in an upper-class English accent, though this may have been impressed upon me by the polite Looney Tunes characters below, The Goofy Gophers. Also, no one says 'Thank you’ better than them, do enjoy this short clip below.
Foist | Means to impose an unwelcome something or someone onto someone or to pass off something or someone as genuine or worthy. Use this next time an unnecessary meeting has been FOISTED on you!
Erf | Sorry, not at all useful. Just amusing. It means a plot of land usually about half an acre in size.
Dingleberry | Strap in! This one has EVERYTHING.
It can mean a foolish, contemptible or stupid person
In the southeastern US, it can mean cranberry or a small dark red berry
SLANG: It means a piece of dried fecal matter that clings to the hair around the anus
Bibble | means to eat or drink noisily. No one wants this from a person. No, gross. But imagine a little bibbling pug!
Fipple | Beg your pardon, I said fipple. It's the grooved plug at the end of a whistle, flute, or organ pipe.
Dastardly | It means cowardly, characterised by underhandedness or treachery. Again, this word pairs well with a very tight and posh English accent.
Constable | mostly used as a rank for police officers. But, have you ever seen a word asking for trouble when said? This one is.
If you missed volume 1 or 2 and you fancy a peep, you can find them below:
And finally here’s a word that I only seem able to read with a Southern American accent: Vehicular.
You know I enjoy a silly word, do you have any? Can you beat dingleberry for its usefulness? I'd love to hear them in the comments.
Be an intentionalist.
Belinda & Kelly XX
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Very true!!