How to declutter your past

And get rid of that baggage

Belinda Alexandra

and

Kelly Morton

Mar 27, 2025

Happy Friday, Intentionalists!

When it comes to holidays, travellers often fall into two camps:

Those who pack lightly and enjoy freedom and mobility;
And those who pack everything except the proverbial kitchen sink and end up lugging around articles of clothing and other items they never use on their trip while also paying extra luggage fees.

Just as overpacking for holidays is often due to anxiety and fear of the unknown, so is the emotional baggage many of us haul through our lives: Everything from a chip on the shoulder and resentment to unhealed trauma and unresolved grief.

Today we’re going to explore and define what excess baggage you might be carrying, and then we’ll look at some strategies to help you start shedding that extra weight, so you can enjoy your journey through life with more freedom and spontaneity.

Grab your journal and a pen and let’s get started!

PROMPTS

1. What emotional weight have you been carrying for some time and just don’t know how to let go of?

E.g. Resentment towards an ex-partner or family member, regret about a past mistake or bad decision, unresolved grief that has lasted for years, etc

2. How is carrying this ‘baggage’ hurting you today? Is it stopping you from enjoying your life right now and showing up as your best self? How would your life look and feel without this excess weight?

3. If you were waiting at baggage claims at the airport for this metaphorical weighty suitcase to turn up, and it didn’t and it was lost in some other country forever, or if the customs officer accidentally took it away and blew it up, how would you feel? Would you be angry? Frightened? Lost? Or would you feel relieved that you no longer had to carry it, and the problem was solved for you?
What do you think is stopping you from letting go of this emotional weight for yourself?

STRATEGIES

1. Have a meeting with your brain

One of the reasons we have trouble letting go of past mistakes or painful experiences is that our brain keeps bringing up the memories of those events. It does this to keep us safe by reminding us of the danger we faced in the past in the hope we will avoid a similar situation in the future.

This is a good function of our biology (imagine if we never learned not to touch a hot stove!) but it doesn’t always enhance our happiness.

Mo Gawdat – entrepreneur and neuroscience enthusiast – has a technique where he has a meeting with his brain. It’s very effective and you might like to try it.

Sit down in a quiet place with your journal and ask your brain to say everything it wants to warn you about regarding a past event in your life. Then write down what it tells you. For instance, let’s say your ex-partner was unfaithful to you for years before you found out. Some things your brain might keep bringing up could include:

Why did you marry that terrible person in the first place? Didn’t you see the red flags? Why didn’t you confront him/her sooner? Why did you believe it when he/she told you that they were working late? etc

For each thing your brain tells you, answer: Yes, I heard you.

Then write down all the things you would do differently if a similar situation should arise in the future. And that’s it! If a similar situation should arise, trust yourself that you will act quickly to stop it from damaging you the way it did the first time. Allow yourself to feel confident that you have learned from your experience.

After that meeting, if your brain keeps trying to bring up the past event, tell it: Listen, brain, we have discussed this. I’ve told you what action I will take in the future if a similar situation should arise. Now, let’s move on.

2. Walk alongside your grief and transmute it into positive action

When we suffer the loss of a loved one or something else precious to us (a physical ability or much-valued career, for instance) our whole world goes upside down. It’s very understandable to get stuck in the pain. We don’t want to go forward into an uncertain future without that person or thing we loved. Sometimes, we even feel doing so would be an act of betrayal. How can we ever be happy again without them?

A gentle way to move forward is to think in terms of ‘and’ rather than ‘or’.

For instance, instead of thinking you can either be mourning or happy, think more along the lines that you can be both mourning and moving forward at the same time.

For example: I am grieving the loss of my beloved husband and I am slowly creating a new and happy life for myself.

In this way, you can allow your grief to walk alongside you as you move forward. You don’t have to let go of it until you feel ready to do so, but it’s not paralysing you from living life again.

Try writing down an ‘and’ statement and notice if it brings you a sense of relief.

Gradually transmuting your grief into something that enriches and deepens your life, and the lives of others, can also be a lovely way to move forward without feeling you have abandoned your deceased loved one. For instance, you could donate to a cause that was close to their heart, plant a tree or garden in their memory, or celebrate all they contributed to your life by taking up a hobby or going on a trip that brings you joy.

Write down some ideas of ways you can celebrate the past while also looking forward to a positive future.

3. Get fully into the present

The best way to let go of baggage is to fully immerse yourself in making the most of the present.

How are you going to make this year, this month, this week or the next hour wonderful? Could you spend more time with people who uplift you? Or make new friends? Are you going to do an adult education course on something that interests you? How are you going to make the present so good and joyful that the pain of the past gradually fades into wisdom of its own accord?

Write down your ideas.

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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS

I forgive myself for past mistakes, knowing I will do better in the future

I am open to wonderful new beginnings

I let go of my baggage and live joyfully and freely

(Pick an affirmation and say or write it slowly ten times. And if you want to repeat all the affirmations, that’s wonderful too!)

KELLY’S SILLY BIT

Collective Nouns

I collect collective nouns. A collective noun is a way to describe a group of something. It can be for anything but I’m going to stick with animals today.

For example, you’ve probably already heard that a group of crows is called a murder of crows.

Pugs | A grumble
Being a pug owner I had to put this one first. Never has there ever been a better description of anything. The collective noun for dogs is pack. Pugs get their own!
Ladybugs or lady beetles | A loveliness
How sweet is this?
Flamingos | A flamboyance
Talk about apt! These beautiful vibrant birds know how to make a statement. Further fun fact, did you know that they are pink due to their diet? It’s the carotenoids (naturally occurring pigments) in the plankton, algae, and crustaceans they eat that turn them pink!
Leopards | A leap
Perfect. No notes.
Cockroaches | An intrusion
Again. Apt. These little bastards love an intrusion. That said, I also kind of have a soft spot for them and have named one I see in the same spot, Hal (after Hal Roach, silent producer and director).
Hyenas | A cackle
Again, brilliant. No notes.
Otters | A romp
You can also use family for otters, but why would you when you when romp is right there? A romp of otters. I can’t get over it!
Squirrels | A scurry
Not one we can use often as they’re not pack animals but thank goodness it exists.
Wombats | A wisdom
You can also use mob or a colony for these beautiful little fellas who poo cubes. Did you also know that female marsupials have three vaginas and two uteruses? Now you do.

I have SO many more. Let me know if you’d like to read more and PLEASE drop in the comments any collective nouns you use so I can add them to my list!

Be an intentionalist.

Belinda & Kelly XX

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The Intentionalist is a work of nonfiction, intended by the authors as a general guide to wellbeing. The authors do not prescribe the use of any technique, either directly or indirectly, as treatment for physical, psychological or medical issues, without the consent of a medical doctor. The authors cannot be made liable for any misuse of the information provided.