Ditch the inferiority complex
And step into your greatness
Happy Friday, Intentionalists!
The belief that you aren’t good enough is both heartbreaking and crippling. It feels awful and limits your ability to live life to your fullest potential.
And worst of all, it’s very likely based on an erroneous idea that you were given when you were a child; or when you were a teenager and were struggling to create an identity. The negative belief may have come from the adults around you, school bullies, society and cultural norms, or the media and advertising.
An inferiority complex gets formed like this:
Your subconscious mind absorbs the belief without the protection of your analytical mind. The belief is then reinforced by two functions of the brain.
RAS – a network of neurons in the brain that plays a crucial role in regulating what we pay attention to and what we filter out of our awareness.
Confirmation bias – the brain’s tendency to seek out and choose to believe information that supports our preexisting beliefs. As a result, we have a bias in ignoring any information that contradicts those beliefs.
The brain does this for efficiency, not for happiness. So, if you developed the belief that you aren’t as smart as everybody else you will look for evidence to support that belief and ignore any fact that contradicts it.
And it gets worse. Because you are convinced you aren’t as smart as everybody else you won’t even try to do the things that ‘smart’ people do like take higher education, or accept a job that requires you to lead, etc. To add to the problem, the way you’re thinking is giving off a certain vibe.
By your actions, words and demeanour you convey to others that you don’t think you’re smart, so they doubt whether they can trust you to do a task or may talk down to you – reinforcing your sense of inferiority.
Having an inferiority complex is a vicious cycle. But it’s important to remember our brains are neuroplastic and are capable of learning new beliefs. That’s really what being ‘an intentionalist’ is all about!
So, grab your journal and a pen and let’s get you feeling great about yourself from today!
PROMPTS
Firstly, let’s do some self-exploration and discovery.
1. What exactly do you feel is inferior about you?
For example, your intelligence, your appearance, your social status, your likeability, etc
2. In what situations do you feel inferior? And where do you feel it in your body? Do you feel inferior generally or only in certain situations?
For example, I feel great and accomplished around my friends, but when I’m with my older sister I feel like a failure. The feeling manifests as a tight pain at the back of my head, etc
3. What sort of thoughts do you have when that feeling of inferiority comes over you?
E.g. My parents love my sister more than me because she’s smarter and more beautiful.
4. What thoughts do you imagine that people who are in similar circumstances to you, but who don’t believe they are inferior, might think?
E.g.
My parents might love my sister more than me because she’s smarter and more beautiful, but I don’t care. I like myself and I feel good and excited about what I’m doing. I find friends who love me for who I am.
So what if I was born into a poor family? I am using every advantage I’ve got to make a great life for myself, and that is admirable!
Who cares what other people think about my body-shape? I love every inch of my body and live my life fully.
5. What do think your life would be like and how would you feel if you switched your thoughts around to celebrate what is unique about you, regardless of what anybody else thinks or says?
STRATEGY
There are many great tools to help you change your beliefs – cognitive belief therapy, hypnosis, guided meditation, positive affirmations, etc. A lot of these are available for free on the internet. We encourage you to explore one of these modalities and stick to it for a good three months.
However, today, we have a strategy that is mind-blowing in its simplicity. It is free, it will take no more than two or three minutes each day, and it can change your life if you do it consistently every day for the next six months.
Here it is:
At the end of the day, write down or say out loud the answers to the following questions:
What is something I did today that demonstrated I’m capable?
What was something I found interesting today? Did I learn something new?
How was I loving or kind today – towards myself, other people or animals?
What did I really enjoy about today? Or what happened today that I’m grateful for or appreciative of?
We want the answers to these questions to be simple. For instance, you don’t have to have sent a rocket into space to feel capable. You could have simply followed the directions on a cake mix packet. Or you don’t have to receive a million dollars to feel grateful, you can be grateful that you heard your favourite song on the way to work.
The purpose of this exercise is to retrain your RAS and confirmation bias for a sense of worthiness. We aren’t going for big things here because your brain will dismiss them. We want to get sneaky with it and get through the cracks with some little things it won’t consciously notice, but that will build up over time to create significant change.
We want you to write down or say out loud the answers (rather than just think them) because doing so reinforces the exercise in your brain. You can do this exercise before bed, on your drive home, or after dinner.
This exercise is a game changer. If you do it every day, in six months’ time you will be a new person!
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FEEL GOOD AFFIRMATIONS
I am a unique and wonderful individual. No one is exactly like me.
I matter and I have important things to contribute.
I back myself and I choose friends who back me too.
(Pick an affirmation and say or write it slowly ten times. And if you want to repeat all the affirmations, that’s wonderful too!)
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KELLY’S SILLY BIT
We're about growing and doing our best here but … sometimes and some days you need a GREAT word to blurt out. So I thought I would gather some more interesting insults to keep in your back pocket, in case you need them:
Ruffian
A troublemaker, criminal or a loutBench-whistler
Someone lazy. From ye olde Shakespearean days, describing someone who spent time sitting on a bench in an alehouse, drinking beer, and whistling between sips.Blatherskite
Someone who talks too much without actually saying ANYTHING. They talk nonsense.Buffard
A dullard. A stupid person.Cumberworld
A worthless person or thingFlapdoodle
Another word for nonsenseMalapert
An impudent and disrespectful person. Lewd. Tactless.Plonker
A foolish personSaddle-goose
A 19th-century insult. Someone so foolish they’d consider putting a saddle on a gooseSmellsmock
An outdated term for a sleaze or a perverted man. Smock Smelling meant flirting, seducing or pursuing women.Snivelard
An archaic Middle English term, for a massive whinger. Snivelard comes from the Old English word snyflan meaning to have a runny nose, and snofl, meaning nasal mucus.
I know you’ll put them to good use! If you have any other ah, interesting insults, let us have them, so to speak! And pop them in the comments.
Be an intentionalist.
Belinda & Kelly XX
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